From time to time I get a burst of creative energy, but not quite creative enough to write my own songs, so I do a parody. Apparently other people get these urges too because they've sent a few in.

No offense is intended by these songs

11th April 1997 has done a parody of Lost


Sometimes I'm wandering under prehistoric skies

I feel thereís a pterodactyl after my eyes

I must go back - left my house keys behind

Here she comes with her penetrating stare

She looked at my mind and saw how much was there

Quick calculation - there's not nearly enough

CHORUS	Because we're lost

			Have we got cash?

			Cold desert stars

			Feel them fall from the sky			

			I want some pie

Follow her down to worship some god

Who tells me iím pretentious - i wonder if that's odd

Then he says, 'You're never listening'

'The pursuit of adulation is your marg and your bread

It's an exquisite corpse and its lips are red

But it donít go well on toast

CHORUS	And you are lost

			Where is your map?

			Now hang up 'cause 

			Madonnaís on hold

			She is so boldí

If you're alone and you're feeling blue

Everyone in Persia probablyís eating stew

I just hope they donít get stuff in their beards

Here she comes with her unforgiving web

This Gothic look is really scraping the dregs

It must be time to change our hair care, stare

CHORUS	Oh yes weíre lost

			Where are my keys?

			Look at the map 

			Now add up the cost

			Do they take Visa?

28th March 1996
Here's Glen Thomas' Grinchillusionist

Okay, with Willy Wonka out of the way, here's my stab at "The Church tole Christmas." To the tune of "The Disillusionist."

He's sour and he's cranky
Mean as well as lanky
On a day like today
Scowling from his sleigh

He's like a gecko on steroids
More than a little paranoid
Thieving all the goodies
While you think "how could he?"

He can turn dogs into reindeer
Spoil all the day's cheer
Bet you he'll eat well
While he pockets your dinner bell

They say that he's ugly
From the head down
And the "heart" part of his body is a corpse
But in the end he's sweet
And gives back all the treats
On Christmas, the Grinch, he's no longer warped

It's missing phrases, I know. Not my best literary effort, and definitely proof that I need a life. More verses, anyone?

Back to Brian's stuff.....

Trendy Internet / Shadow Cabinet

Get into Netscape and browse
Look at the things it allows

"Internet Fever" - It'll push up the sales
Can you quote Python and the Holy Grail ?
Read about whales or read about Wales, got to
Make my own home page

Sounds sent from Sweden to here
"Thïs is my døg drïnkïng beer"

Flames come first as a scathing flood
"RTFM you thick newbie dud !" This is the shedding of Internet blood
It's happening, I think

Once was nerdy
Click, click, link, MGET
Now it's groovy
Inside the trendy Internet

She offers file transfers to me
Ships all her warez FTP

Do not ask for whom tolls the bell
As millions connect to find out for themselves
That there's bugger all here, 'cept what you put here yourself, and it's
Owned by Bill Gates Inc.

Once was nerdy
Click, click, link, MGET
Now it's groovy
Inside the trendy Internet

Ketchup Stains / Dropping Names

"I want these clothes to beautiful"
My customers always think
But the laundry game isn't always clean
Usually it stinks

Immovable streaks from where the dog peed
They make me want to turn to drink
If we work the long nights we'll get them out of sight
Soak 'em in bleach and it'll be alright

Altering corsets, it numbs my brain
Questionable sauces
Only ketchup stains, ketchup stains....

(Note: Yes, I wrote that just to get the last two lines into some kind of context :) )

Here's a few that I wrote in April '95.


(You need to know that Marty doesn't know how to drive a car)

There'll never be another quite like me

I'm in The Church and my name's Steve Kilbey

I'm always sad, I'll never be happy

Cos I write songs but don't know what they mean

Back in a minibus, it smells like a wrestler's truss

Our next gig's in a shop

It gets monotonous, no-one wants to tour with us

Please come back Ploog and Koppes

Things ain't so good since those two guys left us

Our contract's gone and things are getting rough

If they come back I'd let them do their thing

But I'd draw the line at letting Peter sing

Back in acoustic mode, we like doing two-man shows

We can do all our songs

Give me a microphone, I will sing in monotone

With Marty strumming along

Back on the stage we go, we won't do Unguarded Mo'

But which song should we do ?

Let's do "Grind" really slow, hey, where'd the audience go ?

There's just no pleasing them two

And it's only a smoke away

I'll be there toni-i-i-ight

Find the meaning I'm sure was there

When I wrote it last night

To hell with life, it's over, stop the ride

I'm sick of it, I'm going to suicide

Should I use a gun or a gleaming knife ?

Bugger it !  I'll just let Marty drive !

Reputation (Destination)

Our instruments have no way of measuring your feelings

Can never peer into your mind to see what you believe in

In the space between our albums, your memory of us fading

If you buy this record our careers you will be saving

Reputation, reputation

Draconian charts let us know

How well we have done, how well we have sold

Our contract is safe, the album went "Gold"

Our reputation starting to grow

Our interviews are useless or forged beyond believing

Rolling Stone made up some lies, we'll sue them by this evening

In the space between my brain cells some songs have been discovered

Rush into the studio, record them, sell them, try to help our...

....Reputation, reputation

It's not a religion, despite our name

Though Peter and Marty act like Abel and Cain

And Kilbey and Ploog always fight over drugs

Is reputation helped by this stuff ?

Our engineers are burnt out, our roadies are mistreated

I tell you it's the only way this record will be completed

In the space between our concerts our hearing is diminished

We can't go on if we can't tell who's playing and who's finished

Reputation, reputation

Violent Town (the LA tribute removed from Starfish)

(To the tune guessed it...Violet Town)

Smashing his face against the ground

They said "Welcome back to Violent Town

You look kind of strange, so you must pay

Get out of my face and "Have a nice day !"

When I'm here I have this feeling

I wish I could go from Violent Town

Buildings throw shade to freeze the ground

It's cold when you walk through Violent Town

Don't look in their eyes, they'll take offense

And probably sue for recompense

Rpt. Chorus

Big truth progress, it's all around

They're so advanced here in Violent Town

Boys with bazookas, girls with grenades

Bribe cops with credit cards or pay cash and save !